Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
