if you like me you must not know who I am
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
