Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
