u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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