Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
