I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
