Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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