So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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