It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
