Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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