The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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