Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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