Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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