the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
BRING THE BAGELS
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
