You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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