you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
