it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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