you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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