I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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