If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
