You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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