I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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