He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
