with your own penis?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
