Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
