the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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