I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
