I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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