He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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