yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
