Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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