wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
