My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
