Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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