do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize