Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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