new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize