I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I know her cup size but not her name....
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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