I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
