I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
