so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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