I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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