Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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