you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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