she woke up with a sticky ear
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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