I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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