Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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