Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
