he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
this beer tastes like vomit already
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
