so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
