he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
