i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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