why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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