no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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