At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
