if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
