he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
