it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
