dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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