After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
