bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
