The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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