I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize