Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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