Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think i got beer on your cat.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
