I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
